Is it necessary to check on your “strong friends” ?

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The past months have been really hectic for many people I know. Some I used to call friends, some are just acquaintances, some are stories that were simply shared.

Truth be told, a few weeks back, I had plans with a friend outside London. I had to cancel the trip because I had some issues I wanted to deal with and didn’t quite want to talk to anyone. I spoke to my friend and simply said I could no longer make it. She replied that it was alright and she had other things she wanted to do that weekend.

On Monday, I stayed home all day as it was a bank holiday and I really needed to rest. A strange feeling took over me but I could not understand where it came from. In the evening, I sent a message to check on my friend and re-arrange a time to meet.

She didn’t reply. The next day still nothing. She then sent a message late afternoon on Tuesday to say that she quit on everything we were working on and just needed a break from everything. I was disappointed but after a stressful month, I just said ok. I then asked her to pass me over the things she was working on so I could find a replacement.

I could senses that she was hiding something. I guessed that something was wrong because she is not the quitting type, so I insisted. She started crying and said that she was at the hospital after she tried to commit suicide.

I cried. I was angry. I didn’t know what to say. She wanted to be left alone but I knew she  had a trip planned soon abroad so I thought at least she will be surrounded by family. So I gave her the space she wanted after saying that I was there for her if she needed.

This event really shook me as a week before the suicide of Avicii was all over the press. I decided to write this after I heard about the suicide of designer Kate Spade. We all live such busy lives, consumed by work, unnecessary commitment, keeping up with our social media appearances, and so on…  I felt like I needed to mourn a part of myself and think about what I was showing to the world.

As independant women, we always feel like we need to be strong, and be some kind of example to whomever is watching. This is also a choice. I now have chosen to be myself. To dealt with what is there and to focus on my own happiness. Many things sounds like cliche when you say them out loud. Being honest with yourself and accepting who you are is not easy. Expectations are truly what makes us miserable but how to stop being exigent with ourselves, our dreams, hopes, etc… ? Even if you stop reflecting on others because let’s be frank, that’s another lost cause.

I read that what makes human beings happy is progress. When things are happening the way we planned and we can see the results. Perseverance and the ability to think positive in times of crisis. But how do you prevent suicide, depression, anxiety, mental illness? All these tabou subjects no one wants to face or talk about. We all know someone who has been through something that drained their mind, their spirit and any sense of joy. The devil is a liar as Bishop T.D. Jakes would say. This is the sentence I tell myself now to get through the day.

As an entrepreneur, you can rarely predict what will happen so your entourage is very important. Keeping close to people who think on your level, people who understand your essence and why you work until 2 or 3am to achieve something which lives in your imagination. Life is not easy but it gets easier in time when you learn to focus on your purpose. My friend survived and still hasn’t spoken about what pushed her to the edge. But she claims that she knows what it is. It is a tricky situation and I did feel helpless. I had to accept her choice and just be the friend she needed.

Choosing our peace of mind is the best investment for your life. We are nothing without our health. Personally, I am learning to simply say No to things without feeling guilty. Anything that does not align with what I wish to do is removed from my life. I made a give up list to help and since ditching my television and newspapers that only highlights the bad in this world a few years ago, it has made a real difference.

I would love to hear your thoughts and if you have experienced anything similar. Please dont hesitate to write in private if you want to remain anonymous.

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